Every day we encounter so many people: family, friends, co-workers, consequential strangers, and the regular kind. We can never totally not know their day, their story; their ups and downs; their trials and tribulations; their hopes and dreams.
Some of those people may not know that today is a good day. They may even be having a bad day. Your interactions with them may be difficult; they may be troublesome; they may be irritating. They may contribute to making your good day . . . less so.
Situations like that provide opportunities for us to make a good (or better) day.
We can try to know those stories; to find out the why. Sharing what is bothering a person may be enough to improve the day. Knowing that there is someone out here who cares enough to listen can be a gift. It's possible that we have a real solution to their problem. Caring doesn't always require excessive effort and any effort could make a difference.
If time or place or situation (or who we are) makes it difficult for us to connect and help we can accept that we don't know their story and understand that it's not our story and doesn't have to make our day less than good. Sometimes stepping away is the best thing we can do for ourselves.
Remember:
-Their story is not our story . . . and we don't have to let them take us down
-Our stories can cross . . . and we can work to make them better
-Our story will continue . . . and we control our story
Friday, January 12, 2018
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Plan for tomorrow's good day
“Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future..” – Yoda
We don't know what tomorrow will be like. A calendar or a schedule and experience can give us some idea but we never know for sure what tomorrow holds.
We can, however, do things ahead of time to better the chances that tomorrow will be a good day.
I know people that make sure they can do the things that make them happy. Routines work! For example, I know people that go to the gym daily; it brings them satisfaction that they can count on. I know people that buy the morning newspaper from the same news-seller and I think the dialog between them is more important than the newspaper.
Once you can identify things in your life that make a day good, you can put them into your routine and know that there will be at least SOME good.
You can also have "good-day-makers" at the ready. I own three clown noses. One is at my office, one is at my house, and one is in my car. Whenever I need a boost or I see someone that might need a smile . . I put on a nose. The day is bettered.
I also keep stamped postcards at my office and sometimes I send them to random friends. They might be long-held friendships or new. Real, physical mail makes a day better; both in the sending and in the receiving. Maybe your thing is a special snack: you should have those available when and where you need them. If you have a sibling or friend that always makes you laugh, remember to call them when you need to.
You can also do traditional planning. Knowing what you want to accomplish and how you are going to do it can make a day good by reducing all sorts of stress. Life is easier when you don't have to rush or have too many things to do. This sort of planning isn't for everyone but there are tools to make it easier. Find the one that works for you and use it.
Preparing today can make tomorrow more likely to be a good day (and it can do good things for today too!).
We don't know what tomorrow will be like. A calendar or a schedule and experience can give us some idea but we never know for sure what tomorrow holds.
We can, however, do things ahead of time to better the chances that tomorrow will be a good day.
I know people that make sure they can do the things that make them happy. Routines work! For example, I know people that go to the gym daily; it brings them satisfaction that they can count on. I know people that buy the morning newspaper from the same news-seller and I think the dialog between them is more important than the newspaper.
Once you can identify things in your life that make a day good, you can put them into your routine and know that there will be at least SOME good.
You can also have "good-day-makers" at the ready. I own three clown noses. One is at my office, one is at my house, and one is in my car. Whenever I need a boost or I see someone that might need a smile . . I put on a nose. The day is bettered.
I also keep stamped postcards at my office and sometimes I send them to random friends. They might be long-held friendships or new. Real, physical mail makes a day better; both in the sending and in the receiving. Maybe your thing is a special snack: you should have those available when and where you need them. If you have a sibling or friend that always makes you laugh, remember to call them when you need to.
You can also do traditional planning. Knowing what you want to accomplish and how you are going to do it can make a day good by reducing all sorts of stress. Life is easier when you don't have to rush or have too many things to do. This sort of planning isn't for everyone but there are tools to make it easier. Find the one that works for you and use it.
Preparing today can make tomorrow more likely to be a good day (and it can do good things for today too!).
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Any day above ground
Them: How's it going?
Me: <evaluates>
Me: <evaluates>
Me: Today is a good day
Them: Any day above ground is a good day
Them: Any day above ground is a good day
Me: <introspective thoughts>
This scene repeats itself fairly often and it always gives me pause because I don't know that the sentiment is true and I don't know how to respond. It may be true to them . . . but it might not be and it's definitely not true for everyone.
We don't know about what comes after we die. Most of us have beliefs about what happens but that's not the same as *knowing* and most of the beliefs are that the next place is better than what we have here in this life. The next stage may be filled with ultimate joy or rest or knowledge. Any day below ground may be BETTER than a day above ground.
Being above ground has it's own set of issues. It can be full of stress or pain or unhappiness. A day above ground might be the same as the previous day and the one before that and the next day is going to be the same too; joyless repetition. A day above ground could include the death of a loved one. A day above ground can include a job loss or a fight with your partner. Being above ground does not automatically make any day a good day.
We don't know what we don't know about being below ground. All we have is what we have today . . above ground. That doesn't make it a good day though. For a day above ground to be a good day it might take effort and mindfulness. A day above ground has choices that we can make to make it good; either by our actions or by our outlook.
Them: How's it going?
Me: <evaluates>
Me: <evaluates>
Me: Today is a good day
Them: Any day above ground is a good day
Them: Any day above ground is a good day
Me: Each day is what we make it
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
Tomorrow is a do-over
I tried.
All day long I tried.
I smiled, I laughed, I focused on doing good for others.
I thought of all the people that don't have the blessings I have.
I really tried.
Today was not a good day though.
Today, in fact, was horrible.
I was late for things.
People were grumpy.
The weather was crappy.
My friends weren't friendly.
My pet didn't love me.
Nothing worked the way it was supposed to.
I want a do-over.
I need a do-over
Wait!
There is a way to HAVE a do-over.
It's called "tomorrow".
There are no guarantees that tomorrow will be better than today but there IS the opportunity for a good day.
When today overwhelms you remember that it's just one day. One of many in your life.
Try to let today go and move on to tomorrow. It's ready and waiting for you!
Try to let today go and move on to tomorrow. It's ready and waiting for you!
Friday, December 8, 2017
I have accomplished much today
"I have accomplished much today"
Recently, I found myself answering with this response when asked how my day is going.
It's funny (to me) because while I try to make a mindful response, I don't always know what's going to come out of my mouth and the first time I said that . . . I was surprised.
It wasn't that I surprised by what I said exactly, because when asked, I did a mental run-down of my day and I actually had done a lot of stuff. None of it was huge and life changing. Most of it was what some would classify as the day-to-day drudgery of suburban life. The point was though, that I had done things. I had started and finished.
I love the feeling of completing a big project; giving myself the mental high-five knowing that I DID THAT! I understand though that most days are not full of those sorts of projects. They are full of going to work and doing laundry and driving the kids where they need to go. That's OK though. Those types of things need to be done and doing them is important.
It's important to remember that good days are not always BIG days. They are sometimes little days filled with little things.
It's not always easy to do those little things though. The days can be long and weigh on you. Sometimes doing anything seems like too much work. It's those days where you might have to not focus on what you didn't do and focus on what you did. "I got out of bed." "I went to work (and did things)."
The truth is that you probably accomplished much today. And tomorrow you will have the opportunity to try again.
Recently, I found myself answering with this response when asked how my day is going.
It's funny (to me) because while I try to make a mindful response, I don't always know what's going to come out of my mouth and the first time I said that . . . I was surprised.
It wasn't that I surprised by what I said exactly, because when asked, I did a mental run-down of my day and I actually had done a lot of stuff. None of it was huge and life changing. Most of it was what some would classify as the day-to-day drudgery of suburban life. The point was though, that I had done things. I had started and finished.
I love the feeling of completing a big project; giving myself the mental high-five knowing that I DID THAT! I understand though that most days are not full of those sorts of projects. They are full of going to work and doing laundry and driving the kids where they need to go. That's OK though. Those types of things need to be done and doing them is important.
It's important to remember that good days are not always BIG days. They are sometimes little days filled with little things.
It's not always easy to do those little things though. The days can be long and weigh on you. Sometimes doing anything seems like too much work. It's those days where you might have to not focus on what you didn't do and focus on what you did. "I got out of bed." "I went to work (and did things)."
The truth is that you probably accomplished much today. And tomorrow you will have the opportunity to try again.
Thursday, December 7, 2017
Borrowing Worry
Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. ~Leo Buscaglia
The future is such an unknown. Starting from the next moment until the moment of death an infinite number of things can happen in our lives.
Some paths are ones you make:
Other paths are outside of your control but can affect you just as much . . . or more.
A sure-fire way to ruin a good day though, is to borrow worry from those possible futures. Worry is a very real thing. It can weigh you down and make it hard to function. Worrying about all the possible "mights" is a poor investment. The pay-off for borrowing worry from the future is just more worry. It's a losing bet that's collected daily.
This is not to say that we shouldn't think about our possible futures. We should plan and strive and do our best to make our tomorrows what we want them to be. Planning isn't the same as worrying though. Planning is a weight lifter.
Recognizing that you only have so much control and letting the worry about the future pass through you and over you can make today a good day.
Don't borrow worry from the future. Leave it where (and when) it is so that you can invest in the now.
The future is such an unknown. Starting from the next moment until the moment of death an infinite number of things can happen in our lives.
Some paths are ones you make:
- Do you take this route or that route to your next appointment?
- Do you take this job or that one?
- Do you make this goal a priority or that one?
Other paths are outside of your control but can affect you just as much . . . or more.
A sure-fire way to ruin a good day though, is to borrow worry from those possible futures. Worry is a very real thing. It can weigh you down and make it hard to function. Worrying about all the possible "mights" is a poor investment. The pay-off for borrowing worry from the future is just more worry. It's a losing bet that's collected daily.
This is not to say that we shouldn't think about our possible futures. We should plan and strive and do our best to make our tomorrows what we want them to be. Planning isn't the same as worrying though. Planning is a weight lifter.
Recognizing that you only have so much control and letting the worry about the future pass through you and over you can make today a good day.
Don't borrow worry from the future. Leave it where (and when) it is so that you can invest in the now.
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
Self-care is not selfish (nor is it shellfish)
Can a person have a good day if they don't take care of themselves? Do you know a person who is always doing for others until they just can't anymore? Does it seem that even though they are doing good day things, they are not having good days?
Sure, making today a good day is often about doing for others but it's OK though, to do things for yourself; sometimes it's almost required so that you can recharge and keep going.
Take some time today and list activities that make make you happy. Try to think of ones that don't take too long and don't require too much preparation.
Things that make me happy when I need a boost:
If anyone hassles you for being selfish, tell them *I* said it was OK.
Sure, making today a good day is often about doing for others but it's OK though, to do things for yourself; sometimes it's almost required so that you can recharge and keep going.
Take some time today and list activities that make make you happy. Try to think of ones that don't take too long and don't require too much preparation.
Things that make me happy when I need a boost:
- Making coffee - grinding, brewing, smelling, drinking; it's the process more than the drink
- Napping - in the sun with the nap blanket
- Drinking a glass of wine - dry and spicy
- Facebooking - catching up with friends and family
- Reading - fiction, non-fiction . . anything is fine
- Writing - things like this essay
- Exercising - this doesn't actually make me happy, but it's effects do and I like those
Other self-care activities:
- Meditating
- Cooking
- Eating
- Walking
- Gardening
- Crafting
- Gaming
Self-care doesn't need to take a lot of time (but it can if you have it to spare). Self-care doesn't need to involve anyone else (but you can involve people or pets if you have a ready friend). Find your happy thing and let people know that it's important to you and necessary.
If anyone hassles you for being selfish, tell them *I* said it was OK.
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