Don't Die

My family has an odd tradition.
It started after my little sister died in a car accident.
I don't recall which of the remaining family members started it but it started.  When we take our leave of each other one of us will tell the others, "Don't die."

It's somewhat macabre but it means much to us.
It means that we want the others around.  It means that we want each other to be careful.  It means that we value the family.  It's also a reminder of what we've lost.

I rarely say it outside of family, but I think it often throughout the day because, while I know that everyone dies, the people that make up my day are valuable to me.  I know that I control most of what makes my day a good day  . . . but there are friends, and co-workers, and consequential strangers that impact me and I want them around.

Recognize the people around you.  Cherish your family and your friends.  Make them part of your good days.

Also, don't die.

OK?

Ask for help already!

I am not an expert in asking for help.  In fact, I am horrible at it.  I will suffer and strain and fail continually rather than ask for help.  I do this for projects around the house and for thoughts in my head and for feelings in my heart.  I don't ask for help.

Internally, I see it as a failure; as a weakness and I don't want to be a failure or weak.

At least I'm not alone, right?

Asking something of another person can be humbling.  It's sometimes hard for people to say, "I can't do it alone."  It's hard to admit it.  It's embarrassing.  It opens a person up to judgement.

While all that might be true, asking for help is an opportunity.
Asking for help allows a person to first, fix the immediate issue whether it's a stuck bolt or community discussion, or trouble with your family.  If you need help with something, help might be the answer.
Asking for help also provides the opportunity to connect with another person and more connections are almost always better.
Asking for help allows us to learn.  We may learn about our problem, our helper, or ourselves.  What we learn may have nothing to do with the problem at hand but having a person to share with has unlimited potential for growth.

Asking for help is a way to make today a good day and making today a good day is easier with a little help.
All you have to do is ask


{Full disclosure - in public (like at work) I have no issues asking for help.  I want to provide the opportunity for people to help me and be more valuable.  I also feel I have an obligation to my employers not to waste time when help is available.}

Three questions

It's time to play a question and answer game.  The questions are easy but the answers might not be.  The answers can be powerful though.  They provide an opportunity for reflection and insight.

• What was your best day ever?
• What the easiest way for you to have a good day?
• What has been good about today?

What was your best day ever?

The day my girlfriend agreed to be my wife was an AMAZING day.  So were the days my daughters were born.  I'd be hard pressed to decide which was the best. Before those days though. I'd have to go back twenty years to a midnight showing of Star Wars with my father but I'm not sure I recognized it as such when I was younger.

I expect that the answer to this question is pretty flexible for anyone under the age of 14 and becoming more stable after the age of 30.  I'm not sure where on what scale the answer would be in the teens and twenties; those can be tumultuous years.  Who knows if the longer you live the higher a chance for best days might occur because most of us settle down but where there is life there is a chance for incredible days.

Holding your best day in your mind and heart provides an anchor for each subsequent good day.

What the easiest way for you to have a good day?

Smiles make my days better.  Seeing people smile always lifts me up and the closer they are to my circle of people, the happier they make me.  Two strangers smiling at one end of a scale and my wife and kids at the other are my spectrum of instant happy.  I've found too that smiling myself is an instant boost to my mood and my day.

It might be a best friend, or a favorite food, or an activity but isn't it good to know that no matter how bad or good the day is, it can be better because of that one thing?

What has been good about today?

It's early in the day when I write this.  It's raining with a chance of snow later.  The sound of rain on the chimney cover is comforting.  I'm inside my warm house and a cup of coffee is close at hand.  The bed is made and laundry is going. For some, this might not be much of a day at all but for me, all those things are good.  Later, I'll go to work and help people accomplish things.  I'll smile at them and try to induce smiles back.

It's important not to let the days slip past without noticing them.  Looking for the good throughout the day will make it better.

Your time is short, your time is long

Time is short.
How long is a day?
How long is a decade?
How long is your life?

Your time is short.  It's passing by so quickly.  You look back and what seemed like a moment ago is the distant past. Babies are now children or even adults.  I'm not asking you to make each and every moment count but I am asking you to look at what you are doing and make sure it's how you are choosing to spend your time.  Make sure it's not passing you by.

Time is long.
How long is it when you are waiting to see a loved one?
How long is it during that last hour of school or work?
How long is it when you are doing something you love to do?

Your time is long.  It is so filled with hope, and joy, and love.  It's not only your time either.  You share it with the people you are with.  You have time to make the world a better place.  You can focus on HUGE things or keep it small, but you have your entire life before you to make something wonderful.

Time is funny because it is constant externally but is so imbued with feelings that it becomes flexible for each of us.  The events that make today a good day can be fleeing or near forever . . . it's up to us.

What do you expect?

I never wanted to be rich or famous.  I never hoped for any of that.  I never expected it either.  I'm not upset because I'm not rich or famous either.  Not wanting all that and not being all that makes for good days.

There are people that live unhappy lives because they want more and don't have it.  Perhaps they expected that their house would be nicer than their parent's house or their kids would be trouble-free and, when the house needs paint and the kids need a tutor (or a lawyer), it's not a good day.

It's not wrong to HOPE for a better life or better things.  Sometimes hope is all we have to keep us going.  It's also not wrong to EXPECT a better life or what-have-you.  It becomes difficult though, when you are not working to fulfill those expectations; when you are expecting them to happen for you.

The thing is, we can't let hopes and expectations overwhelm our reality.  We can't live our lives disappointed because our hopes and expectations are never met.  We need, sometimes, to accept what we have and what we are willing to work for and realize that those things are good enough. . .  and often pretty good.

We don't need to give up on our hopes and expectations.  We just need to put them in context and do what we can to make them a reality.

Document the good days

For longer than I can remember girls and women have been telling me things that happened or things that I said or did.  They have dates and days and sometimes times.  I'm challenged though because I don't seem to recollect as well as every woman I have ever known.  I don't always clearly recall those things I said or did and I don't remember the "when" of the matter.  As there is no permanent record though, I must trust the information they give.  However, I wonder a bit.  Could all these women be part of a conspiracy where they make up events with specific times and dates to lend credibility for things that never happened?

The answer, of course, is for me to document things.  I should be recording everything and keeping a diary to index all the recordings.  Then, when confronted with something I said or did, I can verify.

That's a bit extreme.  It's borderline crazy really.

Having said that, it's good to document the good things and the good days. Writing something down can be magical.  It can make something more permanent than it was before.  Writing something down requires a person to take a bit of time and think about it a bit longer than they might.

Whether you use Facebook, or a diary, or some other thing, looking back on what you've documented can give you a fresh perspective on today or a boost of happiness when you need it.  It can show how you've grown and improved.

In my house we say, "If it's not written down, it didn't happen." and good days are worth documenting so we know they did happen.

Don't be a quitter

There you are; trying to see the good in each day.  Smiling and laughing and singing and practicing all the skills in your bag of tricks and yet . . . you are just not feeling it.  The house is a mess or your projects are running behind.  The kids are fussing or you can't find that file you need to have.  Things are not going well and you've just about enough and that ice-cream or wine or bed are calling to you saying, "It isn't worth it.  Give up and come to me instead."

Don't give up.

Don't give in.

We don't know when that break-through will finally happen.  We don't know where success is going to find us. We do know that if we stop now . . it's over.  So don't stop.  Push through and keep in mind that amazing feeling of satisfaction when you succeed.

You can do this.

Put some weight on it.

Rub some dirt in it.
Push through.
Use whatever cliché works for you but get it done.

I believe in you.

You can make today a good day.